This is the time where recent graduates ask themselves, “Who am I without school?” I find myself not only asking that question, but also, “Who am I in the midst of everything happening right now?” These questions are deceivingly simple to answer. My tag line answers it pretty succinctly! The problem is that, for me, this question should instead be asked as, “Who am I when I am alone?”
When there are no outside expectations. When given the choice to mindlessly scroll through my phone or do something (anything!) with no consequences either way. When it seems like possibilities are somehow both finite and boundless all at once.
I choose to be alone. Not lonely. And think, and feel, and do all of the things I had previously made excuses to not do.
I choose to go on a walk. I choose to be grateful for the sound of the moving water, the gentle breeze moving through the trees, and the sound of my footsteps hitting the paved path. I choose to thank my feet for walking, my arms for swinging, my breath for moving in and out, my body for moving.
I tend to ruminate when I am alone at home. I think of the things the could’ve been but weren’t and the things that should’ve been but can’t be. But when I am alone outside, I think of the things that shouldn’t have been but are, the odds I’ve beaten, the statistics I refused to be part of. The first in my family to do so many things. The only in my family to do even more.
With all the chances I’m given and the grace bestowed on me, I choose to live.
Leandra Colley 